Sunday, October 19, 2008

"Emotionally Unavailable" Magnet

I don’t know if I have an invisible sign on my head that reads aforementioned, however it seems for the past 6 or so years the only men I seem to attract are emotionally fucking available. I have to wonder, what is it about me or my character that seems to be attracting this type of individual into my life. Am I myself dare I say “emotionally unavailable”? If I were to be completely honest with myself, I would say that I am perhaps maybe too available. I am one of those “wear my heart on my sleeve” kinda girls… never been one for the games. (Mainly because I honestly do not know how to play them…) So in typical New Yorker fashion, I tend to be “no holds barred”, in-your- face, direct and down to earth! You wanna know what I’m feeling? Don’t worry, I will let you know. Perhaps it is this “attitude” that comes off “threatening” or “intimidating”, but I have to wonder why on earth do I always end up with dudes who are uavailable emotionally? I don’t get it. I don’t understand why do men actively seek relationships, yet they are not available to be in one? (Is "emotionally unavailable" code for "I don't want to be in a relationship with you, but I wouldn't mind sleeping with you from time to time, just so long as you do not pressure me into a relationship?")

After many years of therapy, self-help books and the like, I have tried to figure out the role I play in my failed relationships; after all I am the common denominator no?

What I have learned over the years is that while in theory, no one wants to go through life on this planet alone, the timing may not always be right. In spite of your best intentions of wanting to have someone in your life, for whatever reason the universe wants otherwise for you. I keep trying to tell myself this, however I am not convinced. Maybe one day I will meet someone who is exactly at the same place I am in my journey, emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.

As I type this the song that is playing in my head is one of my favorites from India Arie, and I will leave you with the lyrics....

I am ready for love

Why are hiding from me?

I’d quickly give my freedom

To be held in your captivity

I am ready for love

All of the joy and the pain

And all the time that it takes

Just to stay in your good grace

Lately I’ve been thinking maybe

you’re not ready for me

Maybe you think I need to learn maturity

They say watch what you ask for

Cuz you might receive

But if you ask me tomorrow

I’ll say the same thing

I am ready for love

Would you please lend me your ear

I promise I won’t complain

I just need you to acknowledge I am here

If you give me half the chance

I’ll prove this to you

I would be patient kind faithful and true

To a man who loves music

A man who loves art

Respects the sprit world

And thinks with his heart

I am ready for love

If you’ll take me in your hand

I will learn what you teach

And do the best that I can

I am ready for love

Here with an offering of

My voice my eyes my soul my mind

Tell me what is enough to prove

that I am ready for love

I am ready.

1 comment:

jeff said...

It might be good to keep in mind that you are not the only common denominator; men are taught to be emotionally unavailable. That isn't to say that all men are emotionally unavailable, of course, bit it's probably important to keep in mind the ways in which society shapes the pool of men you have to choose from.

(Also: Would you want to be with a guy who didn't like that you wear your heart on your sleeve?)