Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Dating & the City...

Today, Tuesday, September 23, 2008, marks the end of the string of bad dates that I have been on in 2008.  Back in January, I set an “intention” with myself to be engaged by the end of 2008.  (I know that sounds all new agey and shit, but when in San Francisco...)  I told everyone I knew and anyone that would listen that I was single, and available and interested in meeting someone wonderful.  Though my friends had good intentions I was set up on terrible dates with men who could not be farther from my “type”.  I had to question whether my friends really knew me at all.  I took it all in stride, justifying that these experiences will be the makings of good material for the book that I would ultimately write about my bad, yet humorous dating stories.  One by one, the man who was clearly gay who came up to my boobs, or the guy who told me I was too fat (oh I got the email to prove it...), or the guy who did pull-ups on tree limbs during our hike and took me through a rigorous boot-camp afterwards,  or the guy who showed up to our first date wearing track pants, tennis shoes and an over sized grey t-shirt, and finally that man who introduced me to his ex-wife and 12 year old daughter on our first date all made appearances in my world and provided me with endless stories to share. Oh how my friends and family laughed and howled at all of the comedy that was ultimately my sad (and lonely) quest upon finding Mr. Right.

I finally decided enough was enough.  I canceled all of my on-line dating subscriptions (match.com & eharmony.com), and would not even entertain the “I have the perfect person you should meet…” hook-ups from friends looking at me with wild googly eyes.  “I swear this one is normal…” they would protest.  I was done.  DONE.

Months went by and I nearly forgot about one on-line dating site that I remained active (only because it was free…) and came across a rather attractive man.  After a few email exchanges, hours of on-line chatting, and a brief phone call we decided to meet. 

It was the most perfect and lovely first date I have had in years.  I arrived early, so as usual my head was stuck in a book, when I looked up and saw this beautiful man standing over me.  I rose to give him a friendly hug, and could see immediately that he was blushing.  We both ordered the same dish (a fruit plate), and laughed and told stories for nearly an hour.  He offered to walk me to my car, I accepted and we sat and talked some more.  It was just so comforting how easy the conversation flowed.  There were no awkward silences, we laughed easily together, and I could not believe that not only was there mutual chemistry there, there was also an easy friendliness and genuine/honest nature that made being around this guy very nice.  So I am beyond excited and happy, and encouraged that on this day, I met a nice (from what I can tell so far…) “normal” guy, whom I found very attractive.  Regardless of what happens,  I am still delighted in the fact that not every single date I went on in 2008 was material for horror stories which I will tell my children one day, or better yet, end up as a best-seller for single 30-something’s across the US. (Hey a girl can dream...)

7 comments:

DOT said...

I don't think it becomes harder to date when "30" comes around...

I think people sometimes put times stamps/time tables on what "needs" to happen within their lives (relative to dating/relationships) instead allowing things to flow....

(for example) There are so many beautiful women in the NYC that can't get a date for shit because every dude that comes around them acts like ass and give people like myself and other dudes no shot. So their left with the tainted idea that all guy that approuch them are like that.

I feel some woman are shut out from the idea that there could be a decent dude that may just want to really know their name or just want to complement them on therir dress or hair or shoes or eyes without them thinking this guy just wants to fuck them.....

I feel if women were more willing to relax a bit more...learn how to deal with an ass when being an ass....it will open the door to someone that can be really great, cool, funny and so on...

It's a two way street though...women and men alike, go though these dating cycles so much that they sometimes forget what they were "really" in it for in the first place. then it gets to a point were it's taking too long, hope is lost...."ah...fuck it...why bother?!" i'm sure we've all said that from time to time.

Just note...we (guys) are not all jerks or asshole...we want what you want...some of us (believe it or not) just want to be able to look at the person across from them and blush with amazement that i "may" have met someone that could possible complement me as i would for them...i know i do.

Sometimes the run around of dating can lead to (if not that right person) a great story for friends...i have plenty! lol

Jiza said...

Thanks for your comment... you bring up some interesting and good points, however, I have to say, I truly believe the older we get the more set in our ways we become, thus coming to the table with baggage (ie. "time stamps/time tables") Furthermore as someone who absolutely loathes dating, but realizes that is the only way to meet someone, it is the constant disappointments and rejection that often leads to the "ah... fuck it... why bother?!" Wouldn't you agree? I mean how much can one person take? Yes, our hearts are resilient, but how much do you have to "put yourself out there" before you ultimately...(dare I say it...) give up?

mist31 said...

Let me start by saying that I think blogging about dating experiences, the good, the bad and the ugly is a wonderful idea. Just like Jiza I can write a novel on the things I have encountered in my quest for Mr. Right for me! I am happy to say that after reading Calling in the One my perspective on the dating scene has changed quite a bit. Although, encountering the ONE may not be an easy task I no longer view it as an impossible one. I have not met him yet but I am hopeful and that is a very good thing!

Jiza said...

Ohhhh, I've read that too... can you elaborate on how it has changed your outlook on dating?

ccosma00 said...

The Eligible Women Shortage
Of course no amount of maturity stops the panic. If you're still single you begin to wonder if there is something wrong with you. Why is it so many women who are not attractive, smart or funny seem to have no problem finding Mr. Right? Don't men like women with brains, looks, a sense of humor and well honed maternal instincts? If so, where are they!
In truth, Mr. Right is probably thinking the same thing about us ;).It's hard to believe, but there is actually a shortage of healthy, mentally-sound, non-addicted, heterosexual thirty-something females looking to get married. Once you reach 35, male or female, only 50% of the dating pool is healthy. Healthy means no addictions, mental diseases or other impediments to a successful relationship.
If you're 29ish-38ish single woman, The Wall Street Journal did an article on the women shortage December 7th, 2001. They reported many men waited until their late thirties and early forties to marry, wanting first to get their careers off the ground and become financially stable. These men are in the late stage baby boomer generation, (38-47), a very large generation. The women they date between 2 and 10 years younger? These women are part of Generation X, an itty bitty generation by comparison. Basically, single, childless thirty-something women, for the first time in history have three eligible straight bachelors a piece looking to marry. Unfortunately the article neglected to mention where to find them.
In 2000, Good Morning America did a segment on the ideal time to get married. It seems for women to be age 32, which is also the year she hits her sexual peak. The philosophy behind this stated that at 32, a woman has finally come into her own, confident in who she is and makes choices based upon fact rather than fantasy.

At 32 she is still open to new ideas, but steadfast enough that she is not easily fooled or manipulated. The segment went on to explain that after 35 it is very difficult for a man or woman to marry because by that point, both are so set in their ways, compromise, an essential element to successful cohabitation is difficult to achieve.
Does that mean at 35 a woman is over the hill? And if you're in this age group, how do you cope and open yourself to love?
I have a few more years to reach the age of 35 but I'm trying my best to stat POSITIVE AND OPEN MINDED!!! Best wishes to us...keep the faith alive!
Cin

Angry Black Puerto Rican said...

Hello gorgeous,

I pray that you and your dream guy are still going well. You deserve it. I lament that we did not get a chance to see each other before I left. I miss you. You are so sweet, talented, interesting and beautiful, I always wish you the best. I expect to see you so some in this tiny world that we live in. Stay sweet and keep smilin' = = Eb

Jiza said...

I love you Eb.